


The Observations of A. Z. Fell regarding one A. J. Crowley

by Lurlur



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Aziraphale's journal, Crack, Crowley Is Strange, Diary/Journal, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Snake Behaviour, cat behaviour, mention of terrorism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurlur/pseuds/Lurlur
Summary: Aziraphale has noticed that Crowley often acts in bizarre and confusing ways. He keeps a journal of these events in hopes of better understanding his hereditary enemy and best friend.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 67
Kudos: 236





	The Observations of A. Z. Fell regarding one A. J. Crowley

**Author's Note:**

> Me: OK, but what if Crowley acts a bit like a cat and a bit like a snake?  
> 1500 words later...
> 
> Yeah, that's the stuff.
> 
> Thanks to Bucky for betaing and inspiring!

The Observations of A. Z. Fell regarding one A. J. Crowley

23 rd May 1905

C has arrived in a terrible mood. We had no plans to meet but it seems he has taken advantage of my open invitation. After pacing about the shop and muttering to himself, C began to lie on any flat surface he could find. He would lie down upon his belly and stay still for a second or two before jumping up and moving to another spot. I believe he covered most of the floor as well as the stairs and the tops of the bookcases (should I be keeping more areas clear for him?). Even though I addressed him directly several times, he would give no explanation for his behaviour. Finally, he dragged the sofa out into the main shop, under the oculus, and settled in for a nap. He’s been there for about an hour now, sleeping away. It’s very queer.

25 th May 1905

C has been asleep for two days now. I keep accidentally putting books on him. Poor dear must have been frightfully tired.

26 th May 1905

C woke up around noon today, apparently refreshed and bright as a daisy. He left a few minutes ago after offering very little in explanation or apology. Simply something about “bloody vibrations won’t let me sleep” and cursing the new underground line they’re building.

11 th February 1926

C informs me that there is a mouse in the bookshop. He seems a great deal more agitated about it than I am. Currently, he’s lying on the floor and staring under a bookcase, barely moving. I think he may be talking to the mouse. He’s been like this for more than two hours. Every now and then he tries to fit his hand into the gap under the bookcase only to bash his knuckles and curse. I’ve tried telling him that I don’t give a fig about the damn mouse. C called me a wet blanket and said I should let him have his fun.

11 th February 1926 – later

I caught the mouse myself and took it outside. C is sulking. He seemed pleased when I caught it but switched to a heavy sulk when I released it. Did he want the mouse for something? Surely he can get his own? C is still here but I get the impression that I am getting ‘the silent treatment’. He’s a funny egg.

19 th August 1934

Just spent over an hour looking for my spectacles. C was here yesterday fiddling with things, wouldn’t leave anything well enough alone. It became rather tiresome in short order and I sent him away. As I found my spectacles inside the cash drawer of my register, I know C is responsible. I haven’t had cause to operate the register in almost a month.

30 th April 1949

C brought me a gift. I think it is meant to be a gift. It is not quite in the same line as other gifts he has given me over the years but he seemed ever so pleased with himself. It’s a wet leaf from a sycamore tree. It has  teeth marks on it! Of course, I shall treasure and preserve it as I do with everything he gives me, I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to make of it.

10 th November 1956

I just snapped at C and feel very badly for it. He’s left the bookshop now and I don’t know when he might return. He was just being so infuriating and wouldn’t listen to reason! I was working at my desk when he arrived and he told me to carry on, he just wanted to visit and have a little company. I did as I was bid and continued calculating my tax bill for the month until I heard a crash from behind me. C had knocked a lamp off a side table, quite on purpose it seemed. I resolved to ignore him and he continued to move around the shop, knocking all manner of items off tables and shelves. Finally, I cracked and asked what he was playing at but he (very unconvincingly) plead ignorance. Minutes later, he was beside my desk and openly batting things to the floor with his hand. A pen, a discarded page, a small volume of poetry, then he pushed my cocoa right off the desk. Broke the mug and made a terrible mess. I’m afraid I shouted some very cruel things at him and he scarpered like a scalded cat.

11 th November 1956

C came back today as if nothing had happened yesterday. I am both relieved and annoyed. Surely I at least deserve an apology for his behaviour? I, myself, shan’t apologise until he does so first.

29 th March 1972

I admit that I quite enjoy the fact that C feels safe enough to nap here on occasion. However, I do wish that he would tell me when it is his plan to sleep somewhere other than the sofa. We returned to the bookshop after a very enjoyable night at the opera and, after a bottle of wine or two, I admit I got somewhat absorbed in a book. When I looked up, C had left. I was a touch miffed that he had left without so much as a goodbye, I wasn’t so engrossed that he couldn’t have got my attention. Some hours later, I had finished the book and went to reshelve it in the shop. I was frightened half out of my skin by the sight of C contorted across the top of a radiator and deeply asleep. It appears as though he got chilly and wanted to curl up somewhere warm, I am at a loss with that chap sometimes.

9 th September 1987

I must confess that I have been greatly amused by C’s antics today. It is unusual for me to make my notes while he is still here and awake, but he seems completely absorbed with whatever it is he’s doing. C is kneeling on the windowsill, pressed against the glass from knee to nose and staring across the road at a small flock of pigeons. Mrs F who runs the sandwich shop has been throwing crusts out to the birds and C seems most affronted by it. I can hear him muttering under his breath but the words are too faint to make out. He is clearly agitated and won’t answer my enquiries. Why do the pigeons bother him so?

22 nd June 1994

I have just watched C  migrate across the bookshop over the course of the day, following a patch of sunlight. He’s been playing on that ghastly grey device since he got here and giggling to himself so he seems entirely unaware that he’s moved. As the light moves, he shrinks from the cooler edge of the darkness and almost flows into the warmth of the light. He started in the armchair beside my desk and is now halfway up the staircase without so much as looking up from his noisy little contraption.

23 rd June 1994 – a little after midnight

C saw me writing, I had to stop. He has now gone home, but his reaction to realising that he had moved was so utterly darling that I had to record it. He turned off his game and started to say that it must be dinner time when he stopped and scoffed. “How did you get me over here, angel?” I responded that I hadn’t done a thing to him. He looked very confused for a moment, shook his head, and stood up only to promptly tumble down the stairs. I think he was angry at the stairs for “making him fall”. He really is the most peculiar creature.  ~~ and I adore ~~

7 th July 2005

Just had a very distressed C on the phone. Says something’s wrong on the Piccadilly line. Wouldn’t or couldn’t elaborate, just knows there’s something wrong. I’m about to go investigate, see if I can help.

27 th December 2009

Laser pointer is a success.

1 st October 2019

C popped over for a planned lunch date and behaved very rudely. I offered my cheek for what has become a customary kiss and C was about to oblige when he stopped short, wrinkled his (adorable) nose, and backed off. Told me that I “smell disgusting” and then heaved his whole body as if he was going to be sick. Declared that lunch was off until I “wash that filth off” and then ran out so fast that one of his shoes came off. It’s still here. I suppose I shall have to tell Marco that the clove and cinnamon aftershave is off the menu.

18 th April 2021

_ I’ve found your book, angel. You are in so much trouble! Keeping notes on me for over 100 years? Downright stalkerish is what that is, you _

Found C sitting at my desk, holding the pressed sycamore leaf from 1949. He swears he wasn’t crying but I rather think I know my husband a little better than that. Regardless, it seems prudent to close the book, as it were, on these observations. Whatever more I have to learn about him, I’ll keep in my heart and not a dusty ledger.

I do hope he didn’t damage that leaf, though.


End file.
